Tuesday, June 13, 2006


First I want to thank the people who encouraged me; I appreciate it more than you think. Thank you people.
It never makes me happy when someone dies, ever, I would feel guilty if it did, seriously. But this time, I couldn’t help it, I wasn’t exactly happy, relieved is more like what it felt at the time. It wasn’t because I had any affection for that son of a b****, non whatsoever, but I had some personal problems that put so much stress on me. But anyway, it wasn’t a bad week at all; I have had my good news.
Maybe this the first time that I think the Americans did something right in Iraq, although there are a lot of holes in the official statement, although they threw a 500lb laser guided missile on him, although that missile has a circular error probable of 8 meters, although this missile melted the iron and turned the house into rubble, Zarqawi's buddy was virtually intact, or so it seemed. Anyway…. I can't tell you the truth, because simply I don’t know the truth, I don’t even know if he really existed, but anyway, it doest matter, he is dead now, isn’t he?
It is not the man whom I hate, it’s the thought that killing innocent people is O.K., it’s the thought that doing some grotesque, repugnant, and unholy things like beheading people, innocent people I might add, and be happy about doing it, this thought just sickens me. The thought that they think that god had ordered them to do it, the way they do there things and say the name of god make want to throw up, the thought that someone wears a explosive belt and kills himself with several other people, whom only fault was being there at the wrong time, shopping at local market to go home and feed their children. The thought that children are considered targets, and children are being killed like there is nothing to it, and believing that god is O.K. with killing children. The thought that every non Muslim is a target, even if he or she dedicated his or her life to help other people, regardless of their religion, some one like Margaret Hassan. The thought that they can say who is going to heaven and who is going to hell, that thought that they can judge people, the thought that they can kill anyone who has so much as a different opinion, that thought that they think they have the power to condemn people, the thought that they could say who lives and who dies.
This is just sick. I never want to hate anyone, alas, I'm a humane being and I cant help, but I'm trying with all my might to love and forgive the ones who do me wrong, the ones who hurt me, and the ones who hurt, and are hurting my country, I try so hard not to hate them, I try to stay positive, I try to believe it is not my place to judge, I try…. But it is just so hard. What I do hate, on the other hand, is the thoughts that these people have, I hate that they have no respect for humane life, and not just those people by the way, Iraqis I mean, I hate every dictator that ever lived on the face of this earth, I hate everyone who thinks who he is better than anyone else, I hate the people who think that the road to being better must be painted with blood, especially innocent blood. I hate people being killed, any people, anywhere in the world, I hate it when Iraqis kill Americans, I hate when Americans kill Iraqis, I hate it when Israelis kill Palestinians, and I hate it when Palestinians kill Israelis. This is just sick, and I am sick because I hate, I am sick because I have the same feelings the same people I hate have, what makes me so different from them? I want to be rid of this feeling, I want to be free.
This is so overwhelming, this is so powerful. I hate, I am hate itself, but maybe these people are braver than me because they channel their hate into action, am I a coward? Am I a coward because I don’t want to kill anybody? Is it right just to sit there and watch while other people are doing it for me? Is it right when I just sit there and let my feeling eat me from within? Maybe I am a coward, maybe I'm not brave enough to kill, I don’t know that. But these is one thing I know, that I have some courage in me, just a little bit, to try and love those who hate me, those who think that I am a coward because I chose love over killing, and those who want to kill me. Maybe I am not honest enough with myself, but at least I try. Maybe I am not honest enough with other people but at least I try that too.
Call me crazy, but who is more courageous? Then one who kills? Or the one who turns the other cheek? For me it’s the second one, and I wish I could have enough courage to turn the other cheek.
And you know what I wish too? I wish that people like Zarqawi to be tortured in hell, I only wish for these people to spend eternity just looking at their victims' eyes, just watching what their hand had done, I just want them to feel the misery and pain the inflected on their victims and their victims' families. Dante's hell is not enough for these people; even his seventh circle is not enough for them, they must feel the pain they did to other people.
If I ever go to hell, and I most probably will with the hate I have inside of me, I promise you that I will try my best to come back and tell about these people, and where they ended up, except of course if winded up locked in a room with a lesbian and beautiful women, being the coward I am, it would just like Sartre's hell, which he defines in one sentence, "hell is other people".
Anyway…. enough with all the philosophical, existential crap about me and lets get back to main topic today. One down, I-don’t-know-how-much-but-sure-as-hell there-are-way-more to go. Maybe the next one will be Mr. Bush, and don’t get me wrong I don’t want him dead, not ever, all I want is for him to be out of office and exposed in front of the whole world with his friends the neocons for all the lies the said, and for the deception and the manipulation of the great American people.
Take care my friends and hopefully we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If there is a tunnel.


At 12:42 AM, Blogger care4all said...

I have been reading your posts for some time and have you saved as a Favorite. Please keep posting as it is a way to get an Iraqi point of view for someone here in the US. I appreciate it. Thank you for filling in where our media leaves big voids.

At 10:46 PM, Blogger care4all said...

Could you please tell me what your opinion is of what happened at Haditha? We are getting stories here put out by conservatives such as this: http://www.americanthinker.com/articles.php?article_id=5566

Is this article all lies, any truth, what are you hearing/seeing there? Need some truth, don't know what to believe anymore with all the propanganda being fed to us.

At 7:49 AM, Blogger jae said...

"although there are a lot of holes in the official statement..."

I thought the same thing. When I heard that they were saying they'd dropped 500lb bombs on him and saw that he was still in one piece, my warning flag flew to attention.

"I try to believe it is not my place to judge, I try…. But it is just so hard."

Yes. Yes it is....

At 11:09 PM, Blogger The Heretical Jew said...

The thing that makes you different from them is that you dislike your hatred and question it. You have a conscience that questios you thoughts a actions and judges them right or wrong. They do not have such a safeguard.

It is well known that killings for "god" has occured in all religions. Take a look at the Bible. It is full of genocide. When Joshua led the Jews in the conquest of the holy land he was "ordered" by "god" to kill eveyone and everything and to not let one thing live. This is one reason I am not an Orthodox Jew anymore. How can you believe that the true God would want such bloodshed. It is the other person, Mr. S, that wants the division of the Human race since it was us that caused him to fall from grace. Nough religious babel .. you get my point.


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